Wednesday, February 16, 2011

One Week..

It has only been one week since i said goodbye to the love of my life. And can I just said, this week has felt longer than a lifetime. I started to ask myself, "How am I supposed to get through 103 more of these"? The only thing i can think of that will get me through it is getting letters and emails from Preston.
Today was his first P-day at the MTC and i was beyond excited to get his first email, plus a letter from him tomorrow. I found myself constantly refreshing my yahoo home page in hopes of finding an email. Me and Preston had a deal. He'd write a general email to send to family and friends (and me of course) and then write me a personal email. If he could, he'd send it straight to me. But i'm pretty sure he can only email immediate family. In that case, he was going to write me an email, send it to him mom, and his mom would forward it to me. We had it all planned out. Well, tonight i finally received his general email to everyone. But then i realized i wasn't getting a personal one....
Reading his general email might have been worse than not getting one at all.. I feel bad saying that. But i just hate the fact that it didn't address me at all.. There was a part in the email that said, "I thought I would die without without sports, a phone, ipod, friends, and all the other things that make my world go around." And i couldn't help but be upset because he didn't mention me. I feel so selfish for saying that but i can't help it. After reading the email, I cried for awhile. I can't feel like Preston is a stranger. I just can't... I'm sure getting a letter tomorrow will make everything better (I hope) but I just can't help but be sad because we had it al figured out that he was going to send me an email, but didn't.
Since Preston is going to Hungary, we were totally going to rely on email. Hungary is basically halfway around the world from Utah. I've heard girls say that it can take longer than 3 weeks to get a letter from that part of the world. Because of the fact that letters are going to be so delayed, Preston and I knew emailing would be a lifesaver. We're still going to write letters, but i'm going to feel stuck in the past if i'm constantly reading letters that are from 3 weeks before.
I'm just really ready for us to get into a rhythm again. I hate not knowing when i'm going to hear from him, or if i'm going to get an email or not. I just have to hold my head up till May 8th when I get to talk to him on Mothers Day. By then, he will have been in Hungary for 2 weeks :)
I really am praying that things will get better. I need comfort and peace. I'm 100% committed to waiting. All Preston has to do is send a letter and an email... Is that too much to ask for? I know he's going to be busy. But even if it's just a couple sentences... That's worth it.
I really hope things get better.

                     This is mine and Preston's last picture taken of just the two of us.
                                        We went to Tucano's right before the MTC.

                                                                  All of us at the MTC

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