I've realized something lately. You know how people will say, "Don't judge me until you've walked a mile in my shoes" or something like, "Don't judge me until you're put in my exact situation"? Well, I think that's still wrong. People should just try to judge. period. Every single person is different. Everyone has different experiences. And even if someone walked a mile in their shoes, they'd still act differently because they aren't them. Sometimes people do things that even they don't understand. Sometimes things go "wrong" so that Heavenly Father can put it back together the way it's supposed to be.
I used to judge other girls easily. Terrible fault of mine. I'm trying to get better. I think Heavenly Father has been teaching me this lesson. Because I realized a year ago if I would have looked at myself now, I would have been like, "What the heck? That's not me... What am I doing?" I would have judged myself. It goes to show that we never know what other people go through, and what makes them the way they are today. Even if we think we know, we usually don't.
^^ We never know the story of what other people go through because we really only see what they are willing to show us. Usually there is so much more. That's something I've been trying to remember.
We all struggle. We all go through trials. We are always growing and learning from our experiences. It's so easy to sit back and say, "Oh look at her. She's making a mistake. She's doing the wrong thing. Doesn't she know better?" But we have NO idea why they are experiencing what they are experiencing and what they need to learn from it. Even when we make mistakes, we learn from them. We wouldn't learn if we were always perfect. It was a real eye opener to sit back and look at my life, to see where I would judge myself. Which is why I'm trying to never be as judgmental as I used to be.
p.s. It's a good day :) Be happy :) there's always something to be happy about :)
So I thought to myself, "Now that I'm not studying like a mad person... What should I do?"
And the idea popped into my head.
BLOG.
So here I am :) I'm going to throw a lot of random ideas and thoughts at you. Probably a little venting too. But here we go.
This has been one of my favorite songs. Cody is adorable and if you haven't listened to him yet, you totally should. Just sayin'
Speaking of beaches (ok well we weren't talking about beaches, but I just watched Cody's video and there is a beach in it, so I got the thought of beaches in my head. Anyway..)
Me and my roomie who is leaving for the summer got our pictures taken at our beach the other day.
I never wanna leave this place.
Anyway...
Preston sent me this picture during our email chat on Monday. He's still the same Preston he's always been :) And he's wearing the BYUH shirt I sent him.. hehe :)
So, I really don't have that many baby names picked out. But ever since the first time I saw A Walk To Remember, I've always wanted to name my first son Landon. And I'm seriously going to. Preston is ok with it :) But now, I've decided on my second favorite boy name. Are you ready? It's...
Liam.
I just love it. And of course, my inspiration came from....
Liam Hemsworth!
Although I'm "team peeta" I have always loved Liam Hemsworth, ever since The Last Song.
And my next inspiration came from Liam Payne. Ya'll know One Direction, right? Of course you do. Well, I think Liam is just freaking adorable. I kinda like him a lot.
Speaking of One Direction. I'm sure you've all heard What Makes You Beautiful. It's an amazing song. If you haven't listened to it yet, go do it now. But i also loooooove their song "One Thing" and think the music video is quite cute.
p.s. I love the way they dress.
Ok, moving on.. :)
I think I'm ready for another change in my life. I've been a pretty big fan of change every since Preston left. He's been gone 14 months and out of that 14 months I've only lived at home for 6 months of it. I like change :) So here's what I'm thinking.
I wanna dye my hair.
I've been blonde forever.. I look the EXACT same that I did two years ago. It's time to mix things up. I'm thinking this color might be cool... :)
Thoughts? Comments??? :)
Also, while we're on the topic of "change" I've really really been thinking about going back with ILP to Head Teach in Lithuania summer 2013. Yeah... That's the summer after Preston gets home. And I know I'll want to spend every second with him. But for those of you who really know me, you know I have this appetite for traveling. I love it. I've always wanted to live in Europe too.
How could I pass up an opportunity to live in Europe for 4 months for FREE?
I literally wouldn't have to pay anything.
Plus, they'd give me money to spend while I'm there
Plus, I'd get to visit places like Sweden, Latvia, Poland, Finland, Ukraine, Estonia.. etc..
Plus, I'd get to be around little kids :) (my FAVORITE!)
Plus, it'd look good on my resume, seeing as i'm majoring in Elementary Ed.
Plus, It's the same type of place where Preston is serving. Hungary wouldn't be too far away.
Plus, yeah...
It looks beautiful to me :)
Anyway, I think this post is long enough now.
To those of you who read it, thank you for listening to my random rambling.
Only one semester left until Preston is home. CRAZY!!!
I love life and everything Heavenly Father has been blessing me with. I really am SUCH a lucky girl. I'd like to close this post with this quote that I've been trying to live by:
I am so sorry that I completely fell off the face of the planet during the last 2 months. I used to be so good at blogging. But lately my life has been insanely busy. I do a lot of homework, yes. But when I'm not doing homework, I go to the beach or something. Sorry.
I guess you could say I have a lot of explaining to do. But, I'll make it simple:
I prayed. And I got the answer that after a year of not even looking at other guys, it's time to date.
I dated some guys. It didn't really work out.
I was about to give up on dating, but then I met Jared.
He had a girlfriend back home in Utah, and I had a missionary, but we were both living on a little island out in the middle of the ocean.
So we decided to date.
Him and his girlfriend kinda fell apart (NOT my fault)
Then I changed my relationship status on facebook and the whole world fell apart. It's crazy how people react to a little change in relationship status. He never asked me to be his girlfriend or anything like that. But everyone here on campus knew we loved spending time together and whatnot, so we decided to be together.
So yes, now he is my boyfriend.
Yes, Preston is still my missionary.
Yes, I am still waiting for him.
I still write him every week.
I send him packages.
I email him.
I love him <3
But I've only ever dated Preston. I know that I have something to learn from being in this relationship with Jared.
And I'll get kinda personal here for a second. I'm so excited to get married. But unlike most of you, I'm so scared of it. I am so freaked out to get married. There have just been so many happy marriages in my life that have ended in divorce. I guess you could say I just haven't had the best example (my parents are a good example, it's just other relationships) And I know that if I ever want to feel 100% ready to get married, I will have to have explored all options. I didn't want Preston to get home, and then we get engaged and had the "what if... What if I would have dated on his mission and fell for someone else?" I know, I know. What a terrible thing to even think. But my Heavenly Father knows me. He knows that I need to date, and get that feeling of, "Yeah, Preston really is the one for me". I've always known he's the one, but I am young, and constantly changing, so I need to continue to get that feeling. So please, don't judge the reasons why I'm dating. I've had to deal with waiter-haters but I really don't want dater-haters :( I love all you girls. Just know that I'm doing the best thing for me.
I am soooo happy with my life right now. School is going swimmingly, I love living in Hawaii, I get to walk past the temple every day, Jared is wonderful and treats me amazing, Preston is my missionary who I will NEVER give up on. I'll be there at that airport on January 18th :) and I have an amazing family back home who loves me.
Sorry for the long post. I guess I just want to let you know that I am still waiting!!
I'm just focusing on me right now :) I want to be a better person for him when he gets home. Dating has been hard to get used to, but I know it's right.
<3
I love all you girls and I don't know where I'd be without you :)
Let me explain. You know how when someone takes medicine, it won't effect them the same way as it might effect the next person? That's exactly how waiting for a missionary is. Every single relationship is different. And the waiting process is different for every single MG.
Well, I've recently discovered one of the major side effects of my own waiting process. Which is: I can hardly even talk to the opposite sex. I think I am literally incapable of saying "yes" when someone asks me on a date. I'm totally fine talking to my guy friends and my coworkers. I love them and could hang out with them all the time. But it's different when I know the guy is interested in me.. Let me explain.
About a month ago a guy came into my work and asked me on a date (I already knew him and he had my number from being in my institute class) and I turned him down. I wasn't ready. Two weeks later, he asked again and I said yes. I felt like I should get one or maybe two dates in before China just to be social. And also just to reassure myself of my feelings for my Preston :)
Well, it was the day before the date and he texted me to confirm it. As soon as I replied with
"yes" I burst into tears. I couldn't do. It's kinda impossible to describe why. I wanted to go, cuz he's a nice guy. But I just couldn't. Not because of what Preston would think, not because of what anyone would think, but because it just made me sick. I ended up canceling on him. He was so sweet about it and just told me to let him know when I was ready, and that he understands. Which of course made me feel worse. But canceling on him was the biggest sigh of relief. I felt amazing afterwards.
Today he came into my work and brought me a slushie from Sonic. Just randomly. And honestly, I couldn't even talk to him. I mean i did, but it was hard. I looked over at my coworker after and said,
"I just can't do this"
I can't even talk to someone who I know is interested in me. I'm sure that something is legitimately wrong with me. Most girls would love that. Most girls are able to date just fine. Which is why I came to the conclusion that this is just one of my biggest side effects of the waiting process. A side effect for someone else might be excessive dating, or depression, or complete happiness. But not me. Mine is being unable to date even if I wanted to (which I don't really)
I don't need to date to keep me happy. I'm unbelievably happy every single day :) I love life and I've never felt so blessed. And that's enough for me right now :)
Today is Friday. Today is letter day. Usually I absolutely love Fridays. But not this Friday...
Preston has now been in the MTC for 5 1/2 weeks and I've gotten a letter and email every week. His Pdays are on Wednesdays and because of the fact that I live only 20 minutes away from the MTC, I usually get letters on Thursdays or Fridays. On his pday this week, I never received an email. I was pretty down about that. But then I said to myself, "Only 2 more days and I'll have an amazing letter". I tried to stay positive. Then today, I was so excited about the mail coming today. Probably more excited than ever. But once it finally came and I looked all the envelopes, there wasn't one for me. I looked through them again making sure I didn't miss anything. Still, no letter. And then of course the tears came. We had talked about this so much before he left. I would tell him that I'll understand if he's busy. But I told him even if he just wrote down 3 little words and sent it to me that it would be way better than not getting anything. He told me he would write every week.. And I thought for sure I'd at least get letters every week while he's in the MTC. I didn't think that would be a problem. But we're only 5 weeks in and he's already not writing? Or did the letter just get lost? I doubt it. I'm trying to stay positive but when he asked me to send him Dear Elder letters everyday, I decided I'd do it because I'll do anything to make him happy. So every morning I wake up and send him a Dear Elder. Not because I really want to, but because he asked me to. And I asked him to send me one only once a week and he can't even do that? He's not even in the field yet.. So then I thought to myself, "Is this foreshadowing how the rest of his mission is going to be?" I can't help but think that now when he's actually in Hungary who knows when I'll be getting letters. The thing is, I know he loves me and he knows how much letters mean to me. Which is why I can't picture him not writing... *sigh* I really just hope the letter got lost... Here's hoping for a better week, and a better Friday.
